A global pandemic. A stay at home order.
Life as we knew it, completely on pause.
No large gatherings. No small gatherings.
Nothing in person, everything on a screen.
We dodge each other in public, hurrying about, as if the world were holding its breath, waiting and wanting for it all to end. But it isn’t going to end, at least not tomorrow.
What you’re feeling is sadness. Don’t reject her, she knowns the way home.
It might look like anger, frustration, short-patience or feeling aimless or angsty, but in the end, it’s all sadness. (at least that’s what my wife tells me, and she’s reliable)
We were just asked to stay home for a month. A month. That’s how they punish prisoners. Now I know it’s not “solitary confinement” but the principle remains. We’re stuck at home. We should willingly lockdown for the sake of the vulnerable. Catastrophic loss of life is happening and our country is weeks away from slowing. Death is on the line and we can do our part. By keeping our distance…. from one another.
And it’s all sad. So very sad.
Listen, I’m not emotional, I have a pretty low value for “self-care” and “boundaries” and I’ve never been accused of “oversharing my feelings”. I test in the 90’s as a thinker on Myers Briggs . So, I’m no great guide, but here are a few thoughts about feelings that might help.
ANXIETY DOESN’T HAVE TO MAKE US ANXIOUS.
A lady in our village (who is a counselor) said something profound last week. We were talking about what’s happening emotionally in our worlds and she said, “Anxiety exists in our brain as a God-given mechanism to keep us safe, to push us to seek help or run from danger. If our ancestors didn’t have anxiety we wouldn’t be alive. What’s fascinating is now we have something to be anxious about, and a lot of people are realizing what used to trouble them doesn’t really matter, it’s not a real threat. The question is can we deal with real anxiety without becoming anxious?”
This is a bit complex but stay with me. When Jesus says “Don’t be anxious about your life”, I don’t think he’s talking about sadness or fear that comes in our brain in a moment of primal protection. I think he’s talking about a presence or a state of being we allow to settle in and become normal. We can feel anxiety without letting it have a seat at the table. Our anxiety, when it wells up in us, can be seen for what it is and felt in all its power, then redirected to the one that can overpower it. We can’t let anxiety lie to us, we have to replace it with truth, we have to take our thoughts captive and let the Lord handle the worries we’re worried about.
SADNESS HAS A BEST FRIEND AND HER NAME IS JOY
If you’ve seen the Pixar movie “Inside Out”, Joy doesn’t let Sadness touch memories because Joy thinks Sadness is hurting Riley. But in the end, in a great turn of events, it's Sadness that brings Riley home, and it’s feeling Sadness that allows Joy to have meaning. Pretending everything is fine, not letting the emotions mix, this was villain that must be slayed. In the end, sadness was the hero of the story.
In the season finale of This Is Us, Jack and Rebecca are struggling with the tension of celebrating their kids birthday while grieving the loss of their son. They go back to the doctor who delivered their babies and asked him how he got through, knowing he and his wife lost a child as well.
The doctor tells them a story about a song he sang to his wife’s belly when she was pregnant. Then after they lost the baby, they would sit and listen to that song over and over, drinking in the sadness. Then one day they got pregnant again, and he found himself singing that same song to his wife’s belly. Eventually he and his wife had a daughter, and they danced to that song on her wedding day. The doctors advice to a grieving couple was to stop trying to keep the emotions apart, that’s not how life works. The sadness enriched the joy and the joy dances with the sadness. It’s by design. And it’s more beautiful that way.
Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but it didn’t stop him from weeping with the family. He didn’t skip sorrow. And it lead to a great joy.
CRY TOGETHER, EVEN VIRTUAL EMPATHY HEALS.
That same night in village, my friend Kellie shared some stuff she was struggling with. Midway through she started to cry. Even in the virtual world we leaned in. We felt it too. Being on the screen wasn’t perfect, but it was available, and we took advantage, and it helped. God help us it helped.
Again, it’s not perfect, but it’s what we have. Don’t struggle alone, don’t allow the enemy to put you in solitary confinement. Use what is available in this season.
I am not pretending joy isn’t here, just as present, just as powerful, it is here, but it’s on the other side of sadness. Don’t be afraid to journey through. Though the sorrow may last through the night, His joy comes in the morning.
Ask someone, “What you are grieving most?”
Then go Marie Kondo and ask, “What’s sparked joy in their life recently?”